The Hair Up There

Be it in a perfectly pinched pony tail or cascading out of a football helmet, I have long been intrigued by lengthy locks (namely that of men). The story of Samson is one that comes to mind on the subject of long hair. He was a freakishly strong human being known best as a young man for slaying a lion with his bare hands. Eventually, he was thwarted by his enemies when they unlocked a closely guarded secret: his strength rested in his scissor-free coif. To summarize the mythical narrative: Strong guy/long hair, enemies cut hair, man loses strength, man gets captured, man's hair grows back, enter stage right Tony Danza finale featuring Samson showing everyone who's the boss. Mythical Rogaine. Although it has probably been well documented by psychologists and companies who profit from the insecurity felt by men losing the hair on their heads, there is something mysterious and inexplicably glorious about a dude with a cranial pasture.

Samson (photographer unknown)

The following is a short list of long hair: Troy Polamalu, John Travolta in Michael, Hulk Hogan, Van Helsing, Andre Agassi, Fabio, Einstein, George Washington, Dumbledore, John Travolta in Swordfish, the Three Wisemen, the three wisemen who brought us "MmmBop," Keith Urban, Jesus, Madmartigan, John Travolta in Pulp Fiction, He-Man, the Beatles, Bob Marley, Santa Clause, Leonardo DaVinci, Whoopi Goldberg... all great men in their own respect, but with little concern for keeping it brief.

Self-portrait of DaVinci (also composite sketch of Santa Clause)

Composite sketch of Tim Allen (aka the "real Santa")

I made up somewhere that hair care products have the highest sale volume of any non-food item. Just imagine if that were true. Wouldn't that almost blow your mind? Head hair loss is treated like a horrific disease. Google the words "hair loss" and you will find links for: "Hair Restoration Experts," "Hair Loss Treatment," and my favorite "Fight Hair Loss." This is one crusade that may miss the pages of unwritten history books. And is it funny that men pay thousands of dollars to add hair, while women pay thousands of dollars to have it removed? But back to the main point here... George Clooney was the best theatrical Batman and always will be. No contest.

Speaking of Clooney, awesome movies, and hair, can you tell me which one of these gentlemen is more confident?

Boys George

Trick question. They're both equally and undeniably confident, but do you know which one is more apt to slay the king of the jungle? I think it's safe to say that George Michael Clooney has Oceans beat by a little more than "a" hair.