The Hair Up There

Be it in a perfectly pinched pony tail or cascading out of a football helmet, I have long been intrigued by lengthy locks (namely that of men). The story of Samson is one that comes to mind on the subject of long hair. He was a freakishly strong human being known best as a young man for slaying a lion with his bare hands. Eventually, he was thwarted by his enemies when they unlocked a closely guarded secret: his strength rested in his scissor-free coif. To summarize the mythical narrative: Strong guy/long hair, enemies cut hair, man loses strength, man gets captured, man's hair grows back, enter stage right Tony Danza finale featuring Samson showing everyone who's the boss. Mythical Rogaine. Although it has probably been well documented by psychologists and companies who profit from the insecurity felt by men losing the hair on their heads, there is something mysterious and inexplicably glorious about a dude with a cranial pasture.

Samson (photographer unknown)

The following is a short list of long hair: Troy Polamalu, John Travolta in Michael, Hulk Hogan, Van Helsing, Andre Agassi, Fabio, Einstein, George Washington, Dumbledore, John Travolta in Swordfish, the Three Wisemen, the three wisemen who brought us "MmmBop," Keith Urban, Jesus, Madmartigan, John Travolta in Pulp Fiction, He-Man, the Beatles, Bob Marley, Santa Clause, Leonardo DaVinci, Whoopi Goldberg... all great men in their own respect, but with little concern for keeping it brief.

Self-portrait of DaVinci (also composite sketch of Santa Clause)

Composite sketch of Tim Allen (aka the "real Santa")

I made up somewhere that hair care products have the highest sale volume of any non-food item. Just imagine if that were true. Wouldn't that almost blow your mind? Head hair loss is treated like a horrific disease. Google the words "hair loss" and you will find links for: "Hair Restoration Experts," "Hair Loss Treatment," and my favorite "Fight Hair Loss." This is one crusade that may miss the pages of unwritten history books. And is it funny that men pay thousands of dollars to add hair, while women pay thousands of dollars to have it removed? But back to the main point here... George Clooney was the best theatrical Batman and always will be. No contest.

Speaking of Clooney, awesome movies, and hair, can you tell me which one of these gentlemen is more confident?

Boys George

Trick question. They're both equally and undeniably confident, but do you know which one is more apt to slay the king of the jungle? I think it's safe to say that George Michael Clooney has Oceans beat by a little more than "a" hair.

Cat aHolic Struggle

Just as Josh Hartnett gave up box office success when he starred in the career sacrificial "40 Days and 40 Nights," I have decided to follow suit and give up the sauce for Lent. I do find it odd that many Irish Catholics, such as myself, give up booze during Lent and St. Patrick's Day falls in the middle of that time period. Sidenote: I used to have a close friend who shares his birthday with the Irish holiday, but he's married now. Is there a mulligan or a "get out of Lent free" card for said holiday? I hope not. If Jesus resisted all worldly temptation in the desert for 40 days, how hard can it be to give up something like delicious cocktails, ice cold brew dogs, and full glasses of red wine for 960 hours.... right? I guess it puts things into perspective. In a hypothetical WWJD on Day 3 in the desert, I may or may not have given into a couple bottles of water and some powerbars (maybe throw in a GPS). So, the 40 days resisting pretty much everything under the sun is somewhat impressive I guess. The Book says that through rough terrain and varying climates, Satan tempts Jesus three times and recaps those brief interactions, but I think realistically some of the conversations probably went like this..."Jesus, are you sure? It is pretty hot out here... I mean we're in a desert for your sake. Water? Sobe Water? You sure you're sure?" I guess if Satan had tempted me with water, food and a GPS system, I'd be spent on about day 3. Not to wax overly biblical, but I like to think that Catholics have it pretty easy, aside from the whole "guilty for life" complex.

Things Bothering Me (inspired by PJ)

Semicolons, full colons, Bud Light Golden Wheat, McDonald's sponsoring the Olympics, itchy colons, significant delay in big screen version of "Coach," songs that cost $1.29, "Valentine's Day" previews, heart burn, second hand fart, public speaking, moustache breath, beret-free heads, yoga parties, neck tattooes, neck zits, tattooes of neck zits, hockey analysts, sleeping on the couch, back pain, sports analysts in general, player/coach haters, non-British people who say "precisely," polka dots, Asian women named Demarcus, real estate business, banks, Redbox, Blue balls, people who show off their iPhones/blackberries/ipods/flip-phones/camera flips/anything that has a screen and buttons, facebook, nerds who started facebook, nerds, uncomfortable chairs, neo-Nazis, old Nazis, pancakes, false gods before and after Him, real estate business, NFL hangover with swarms of newly converted Saints fans... Hooray!, eating healthy, deodorant cakes, and tape residue.

Blog the first

It occurred to me that there weren't enough people posting things on the internet, so I am taking it upon myself to change that. That's right. This is my own personal crusade to ensure that the internet finally contains some opinions. Any potential reader of this blog (as I understand it, a blog is a notepad that one types into and is then saved by robots) is safe to assume that this blog will be nothing short of groundbreaking. I know what you're thinking at this point: "An opinion? On the internet? Is he crazy?" My hope is that this will change all that. I mean imagine if the internet was a place you could go to connect with another human being through recorded observations and thoughts. Who knows? Maybe down the road, people can even connect somehow with old friends and be updated with tedious information such as whether or not someone is "on the way to grab a cup of coffee bc this is just one of those days." But I'm getting ahead of myself. Annoying up to the minute updates of personal affairs through a social network is probably something that will not happen in my lifetime. For now, let's start small... making the internet a place where ideas can be posted.