Almighty Dollar- Part One

The best things in life are free. That is true. That said, the best electronics cost money. I do not love money. I simply love the stuff that money can get. I don't pretend to understand how the whole money thing works. I just know I work, I get some of it, my college gets some of it, the man gets some of it, and the remainder goes to Target. Pretty sure that's the cycle. There are countless things about money that I cannot begin to understand. Like why hotel bottled water is more expensive than gas station bottled water. However, I do think that money gets a bad rap.

Bad rapper money

We're not taught to respect, embrace or even love money. We're taught to fear it, distrust it, even hate it. After all, it's the root of all evil, right? Wrong I say. Money is great. Money helps kids get cleft surgery around the world, money can add a cocktail to your dinner, money can provide a world-class education. Yes, there's a line. Does GW really cost over $50 k a YEAR? I know some grads from there and ... I mean... just sayin... 200 grand?

Statue of over-priced education

But money shouldn't be feared or hated. Ok, so there are evil people who have too much of it. Those people shouldn't be feared or hated either. Maybe smited, but not hated. There are people who kill for it. I think it's safe to say we can hate those people. Hate is a strong word. We can just hate those people. We can fear them too. That's another safe bet.

And speaking of people doing crazy things for money, did you know people still rob banks? This happens thousands of times each year. People still walk into banks (mostly during the hours between 9 and 11) and steal money. I find it interesting that aside from making oral demands in these heists, many still resort to the demand note.

"I have a gun. Give me the money."

"Have gun. No dye packs. All Cash."

"Can't work for it. Takes too long. Large bills only."

"Tim Burton, stop making movies."

"Money in the bag. Don't tell anyone we made out."

The frequency of bank robberies has decreased in recent times due to modern security, educational movies like S.W.A.T., and the discomfort of wearing ski-masks.

Less popular bank-robbing ski gear

Shake your money monikers: moolah, cashola, greenbacks, benjamins, cheese, bucks, buckeroos, C-notes, big ones, cabbage, lettuce, greens, bacon, bread, dough, scratch, ends, clams, smackers, coinage, paper, fiver, ten-spot, and loot.

Benjamins, baby

Sand dollar walks into a sandbar...

Sounds of money: the scraping between two crisp bills, a penny hitting the surface of a fountain, first credit card swipe, a signed check being torn out of a checkbook after mowing some old man's lawn.

"For I don't care too much for money, can't buy me love." -the Beatles

Money can't buy you love Mr. McCartney, but it did a pretty good job at affording you a town home in upscale London, an apartment in mid-town Manhattan, a house on Long Island, a home in Beverly Hills, a 1500-acre estate in East Sussex, and a country retreat in Scotland. Maybe I'm amazed at all the money you have, Sir Paul.

Borrowing money from a friend is no good.

ATM's still vex me. So many questions all at once. Is there a robot that refills it when everyone is asleep? Is it printing money as we type in the amount? Why does the machine have to charge me a $3 service fee? What is the machine going to do with my 3 bucks? Is that what the robot charges to refill it? We'll figure you out one day, Automated Teller Magician.

"The glow of one warm thought is to me worth more than money." -Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson's famous Monticello, constructed by warm thoughts and slaves. Loooooots of slaves.

Money can't buy happiness. It can only buy a bunch of things that provide us with happiness. Money can't cure cancer. It can only supply the research that will eventually cure cancer, provided there are still hard-working people out there willing to pay too much for an education.

Where is the nearest Target?