You wanna try the other one on?

The following is an aimless ode to something very near and dear to me and more specifically, near and dear to my feet... shoes. Shoes are my favorite things to put on my feet, with the exception of socks. Shoes have so much to offer, and ask so little in return. A good pair of shoes can complete an outfit. Tying your shoes is a rite of passage into pre-school maturity. We dip baby shoes in precious metals to preserve them for life.

There is no such thing as a stupid shoe... only stupid feet.

Shoes are transcendent: If the shoe fits, wear it. Walk a mile in another man's shoes. Shoes make the man. Now the shoe is on the other foot. You've got big shoes to fill.

Ever wonder why a newly married couple rides off into the sunset with a pair of shoes tied to the bumper? Me neither.

And while we're on the subject, there once was an old woman who lived in a shoe. That same woman beat her kids before putting them to bed. Seriously, read the old nursery again.

Old Woman Shoe-Owner, punishes children

Old Woman Shoe-Renter, punishes pins

You know the worst part about stepping in dog shit? When you do it wearing a brand new pair of shoes.

Shoes with lights, LA Lights, shoes with wheels, Heelys, heels, shoes with laces, laceless shoes, Shoeless Joe Jackson, Moonwalking Michael Jackson, moonshoes, snowshoes, horseshoes, saddle shoes, boogie shoes, platform shoes, blue suede shoes, ruby red slippers, sheepskin slippers, walking shoes, running shoes, stilettos, bucks, women in stilletos, cowboy boots, hush puppies, Cameron Diaz in stilettos, Kenneth Cole, Cole Haan, prom shoes, post-prom shoes, sneaks, kicks, flats, DC shoes, DKNY shoes, galoshes, shoe flies, fly shoes, PF Flyers, slip-ons, moccasins, pumps, Reebok Pumps, gumshoes, gum on your shoes, high tops, low tops, sandals, mandals, and aquasocks.

Sneakers

Cinderella was even saved by a shoe. A glass slipper... Streak-free shoe shine? Dorothy made it back home to Kansas by the grace of a pair of sequinned shoes.

Some shoe brands that hit it big: Uggs, Crocs, Birkenstocks, Chucks, Vans, Sambas, Timbs, Rainbows, Reefs, Newbies, Skechers, Jordans, and Keds (from the Latin word ped meaning "foot").

Other Chucks that hit it big

Irish American Humphrey O'Sullivan patented the rubber heal for shoes on January 24, 1899. You're welcome, Nike.

Friends in the industry: Dr. Marten & Dr. Scholl

Honorable British Knights

Dishonorable British Knights

Shoes even play a key part in some of the most memorable movies of all time. Here are just a few...

"May the Air Force Ones be with you" - Star Wars

"I'm going to make him a loafer he can't refuse" - The Godfather

(Marlon Brando in The Godfather, 1972)

"I'll get you my pretty and your little clog too" - Wizard of Oz

"Here's lookin at shoes, kid." - Casablanca

(Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca, 1942)

"You're gonna need bigger boat shoes." - Jaws

Shoes are, in fact, everywhere.

Shoes in Space

Shoes in Politics

I don't know where we'd be today without shoes. Probably in the same place, but with colder feet.